-8-

-1888-

though it cost them their liberty; and they had the sympathy of our own people, but now there is no sympathy for them. Now they simply hear of a brother's going to the pen, and treat it as a matter of course." He thinks the way things look, we will trust in God as a last resort which is not right. Some things have tried his mettle more than anything; but not his faith. He feels as firm as ever, though it goes against his feelings to have to lead such a life of bondage, after he has educated himself to stand for right. He went in the Mormon battalion to defend his country, and this is the protection he gets from it.

March 30th. I went up to Eddie's in the afternoon. J.M. Tanner and Wilford were there. I had the opportunity of a short visit with them. J.M. joked about the baby saying, "I'll bet a nickel that baby's pa is English, he has a head like Gibbons, the English historian." Thought he was a fine boy, and Brother Smith had the occasion to be proud of him. I stayed to supper; had a pleasant time, after which Wilford carried the baby down. He looks so much like Charley, it seemed almost like him.

But O what a joy to me it will be when I can be known as I know, throwing off this deception. The affair will be then viewed and recalled with amazement, but we shall have to labor and to wait. 

Evening, Alvy Porter has come, and will stay all night, so I shall have to keep secluded in the morning until he has gone, as I must avoid those who know me, and my home.

April 1st, I wrote to Charley and it being his birthday and all, I thought I would April fool him, so I supposed they had not yet heard of Allice's boy. I told him Amasa came home on the night of the 19th of March. Allice was taken very sick, and he came home, then I further explained that it was young Amasa. They read the starting part, and then stopped to express amazement thinking our brother had really returned from his mission.

April 7th. By morning we had concluded that I should go to conference so I arose early, and ready went down in the carriage with Eddie and Wealthy and May. I did not feel very cheerful in the morning, but I enjoyed the ride down as the morning was pleasant and roads good. Thought at first I would try and leave Wallace, but concluded to take him, so I could not stay in and enjoy the meetings very long for I had to tend him. It was a gloomy day for me. It brought to my mind so forcibly the memory of liberty, when I enjoyed the freedom of those surrounding me then. They all looked so happy, though I knew they would not appreciate their liberty as they would if they had been deprived of it. It was a severe trial to me to see things having to be carried on in such a manner. I had plenty of chance to think about it while tending the baby outdoors alone.

I have learned by this time that Wilford say me before in Richville at a party, had an introduction to me, and danced with me; so he knows where I live and from this he has good reason to suspect the truth, which he does, and he tells me all about it; so I can now associate with him with a mutual feeling and the privilege is very much enjoyed for we visited together very congenially. He sent to town and bought baby a little walking chair which is so nice for him.